Jezebel
by Angel Taisha
Summary: To think of my task is chilling; To know I was carefully building the mask I was wearing for two years swearing I'd tear it off..." COMPLETE


A/N: I guess you could say this is a songfic…Only I used the song in the form of a letter that Yuna is writing to Baralai, telling him their marriage is over. I haven't heard this song in like, ten years and those two immediately popped into my head. I just had to get this down.

The 10,000 Maniacs call the song 'Jezebel'. You should listen to it- It's a beautiful song.

Before we begin, I own nothing. I'm only borrowing.

**EDITED 8/29/09**

This was to be by far, the hardest thing she would ever have to do. Yuna slumps into the creaky wooden chair that went with the mahogany desk, which resides in her study. _Their study. _It wouldn't be theirs for long though. Not once she finishes putting the thoughts, the ones she's been harboring for many months to the paper lying in front of her. Discontentedly, she sighs and begins to write, each sentence flows out of her like steady streams of water.

_Baralai,_

_To think of my task is chilling. _

_To know I was carefully building the mask I was wearing for two years swearing, I'd tear it off. _

_I've sat in the dark explaining to myself that I'm straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily. _

_Called myself Jezebel- I don't believe._

Yuna pauses, and chews on the end of the writing implement. Maybe for a moment of silence, mourning the loss of her love for him. It is too late to take anything back now. There it was in black and white, the words stare at her. She reads over the bit she wrote, feeling somewhat guilty for coming off so leisurely. Yuna couldn't help it though, she was only being honest, if only for once since that day they became one. She decides to write something that suggests she doesn't want him out of her life completely.

_Before I say that the vows we've made, weigh like a stone in my heart,_

_Family is family; don't let this tear us apart._

The passionate love she felt for Baralai was most definitely gone, but the ability to care about his well being was still evident. She would never want to see him in any pain or anguish; he didn't deserve that. He loved her with all his heart; it was always one hundred percent or nothing at all. Baralai deserved far better than what he was getting from her and she knew it. She let this go on for long enough, and it was time for her to face up to it all.

You lie there an innocent baby. I feel like the thief who is raiding your home, entering and breaking and taking in every room.

_I know your feelings are tender, but inside you the embers still glow, but I'm a shadow. I'm only a bed of blackened coal._

_Call myself Jezebel, for wanting to leave._

When Yuna married Baralai, she believed that she had honestly found love again. He had gone to great pains to woo her, finally winning her over with his subtle charm and handsome features. Forgetting the past and looking forward to the future was something she thought would be elusive to her forever. She could be happy at last, when she thought she couldn't be without _him _in her life. Now, she was afraid she made a mistake; and that she mistook the meaning of the word 'love' for 'settling'.

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you.

_I'm just saying we've mistaken one, for thousands of words. And for that mistake I've caused you such pain that I damn that word._

_I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and empty, hollow place inside._

Would he understand all this? Yuna wasn't sure. All she knew was that she couldn't pretend anymore. She became tired of being someone she wasn't just for the sake of having another there. Baralai was a wonderful companion, his intellect unmatched by anyone she'd ever known, but she needed more than that for this union to survive. He would find out eventually and resent her for making him believe otherwise. This was a wise decision on her part; she had to keep telling herself that.

I'm not saying love's a plaything. No, it's a powerful word. Inspired by strong desire to bind myself to you.

_How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his wife to weave our lives into a blindfold over both our eyes._

_Please forgive me,_

Yuna

Yuna folds the note carefully and reaches for an envelope from the compartment in front of her. She writes his name on the front, and drops the pen back into the cup holding the other writing utensils. Sealing the envelope, she feels like she too, in a way, is sealing her fate. The beginnings of a life she is to live on her own from now on. She puts her hands on the desk and pushes herself up from the chair, leaving the envelope where he could see it. Turning off the light, she leaves the study and heads for the front door where a suitcase awaits her patiently.

With a heavy heart, Yuna glances one more time around the inside of the house. She envisions happier times, but they are overshadowed quickly by the feelings she thought she had suppressed years ago. Picking up the suitcase, she closes the door and the book on this chapter in her life. "I only hope he could understand." Yuna reasons with herself as she walks farther and farther away, until the house is no longer in sight.

Baralai comes home late from the temple that night to an empty house. He has a strange feeling in his heart that something is amiss. The rooms are clean and quiet, not to mention dark. He turns on the light in the hallway and enters the study. As he nears the desk, he notices the envelope with his name written on it.

"What could this be about?" he says to himself as he opens the letter.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he is about to read.


End file.
